I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
