after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
