My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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