In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
