I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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