Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
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