i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
