i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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