someone threw a dead crab at me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
