And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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