Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize