One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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