Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
