I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
