your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He shit in the fireplace
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
