Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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