I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
