I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
