I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
