If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
