I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
