Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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