I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
