Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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