Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
