OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
there is glitter all over my balls
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
