Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
