So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
