How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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