i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
