I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
