I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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