420 ftw
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
