i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
