But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
