Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
