you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
