Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
