just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
