Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
