You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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