just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
