If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
this will be a night to untag.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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