Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
