I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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