Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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