YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
