What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
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I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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