Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
