If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
