Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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