What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
