I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
