What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
sarcasm needs its own font
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
