I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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