U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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