My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
