we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
