lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Someone came in the potted fern
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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