You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize