Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
