I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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