I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
