If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize