why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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