No more Irish car bombs ever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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