I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
