I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
