I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
