Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
