So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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