Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
