i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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