Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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