By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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