He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
