the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
