I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
